Then I answered the wedding question, which reminded me of me being all ugly and stupid and useless. Which is really depressing. All my cousins are pretty. Not only my cousins. The previous generation also (FOR THEIR AGE). All of them are smart. K not all are smart, but the not so smart ones are super gorgeous and I swear to god they can be models. All the girls are tall and skinny and pretty and girly and neat and quiet and all the typical "dream girl" kinda thing. And they all have talents. I have nothing. All I am is a friend. What. The. Fuck. I won't even get paid for being a friend when I need to get a serious job. Everyone else has a future I have nothing I am nothing what the fuck am I what the fuck am I doing. My family hates me because I am bad in Lit and that I am a disgrace. Right. You know I actually almost committed suicide a few days ago but then I remembered that I shouldn't hurt myself. I should hurt people who've hurt me. Yeah but I never really do that. I'd rather just sink into the walls or floor or the background to get as little attention from my family as I can before it's obvious to everyone about my nothingness. I hate myself. I want a short life so I can die young. Because I see no point in life really. Not exactly in a negative way. But, like, live so long for what, seriously? Why does everyone want a long life? Live until 70 or 80? Your leg not pain meh, your back so steady meh? K maybe you all can probably be able to afford for the riches in your future. I think my life will turn out messier. And I don't want to continue messing it any further actually. Maybe I will get a stupid job if I can, then I gather enough money for lots and lots and lots of fattening food and eat until I become obese then I'll go for liposuction and plastic surgery and make myself look hot then run away from the doctor and kill myself so I can die pretty and I don't have to pay yay.

O wait I will still be swelling and all. Ah whatever la I intend to die of obesity at a young age.